The Most Ridiculous and Hilarious Complaints Ever Made

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As a nation of Brits weâ??re no strangers to complaining. Whether itâ??s the bus service, the fortnightly wheelie-bin collection, queue waiting times or political correctness gone mad, thereâ??s nothing we like more than to have a good moan â?? usually two hours after the event over a brew and a plate of Bourbons, but thatâ??s another story.

Sometimes a good old grumble is warranted â?? it makes you feel better and it gets things off your chest. It might even improve the service for someone else in the future.  But other times, itâ??s just a case of moaning for the sake of moaning. If complaining was elevated to Olympic medal award-winning status, we Brits would win it with flying colours.

But thereâ??s a fine line between making a complaint that can be taken seriously and one that will provoke fits of laughter rather than empathy.

In short, it doesnâ??t take much for a complaint to become comical. Here are a few of what have to be some of the most ridiculous and unintentionally hilarious complaints ever made.

• As shoppers weâ??re always complaining that our weekly grocery bill is too high, but one customer complained to the cashier that his bill was incorrect â?? this was because in-store discounts had been applied making the total amount lower. This didnâ??t appease the customer, who insisted on speaking to the manager. He refused to leave the store until he had paid the full, un-discounted amount.

• A customer complained that a pack of ham heâ??d purchased was excessively salty. When asked to return the offending ham in exchange for a full refund, the customer retorted he couldnâ??t possibly do that â?? heâ??d eaten all the ham.

And Iâ??m sure Basil Fawlty would have been transformed in to a ball of seething, venomous, apoplectic rage if his guests had approached him with these irritations:

• Topless sunbathing should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.
• The brochure stated â??No hairdressers at the accommodationâ??. Weâ??re trained hairdressers â?? will we be OK staying there?

Local councils also have their fair share of complainant letters, although occasionally they canâ??t articulate themselves as effectively as theyâ??d hoped, leaving for an ambiguous (read: hysterical) turn of phrase:

• I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
• The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
• Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

And although insurance claims donâ??t technically count as complaints, some of them are just in a world (and class) of their own that just beg for inclusion here:

• I was heading to work this morning, pulled out of my drive and drove straight in to the local bus. It was five minutes early and shouldnâ??t have been there.
• I collided with a stationary ambulance that was coming the opposite way.
• I was attempting to kill a fly when I hit the telephone pole. I had minor cuts and bruises but the status of the fly is unknown.

At the time, these complaints must have been as clear and bright as golf ball light bulbs but their seriousness has been dimmed somewhat by our inimitable ability to turn something comical out of a catastrophe.

Do you know of any complaints that have turned out to be more funny that furious?

Gavin Harvey is a dedicated personal trainer whose itchy feet have taken him all over the globe. When heâ??s not travelling he loves to party at music festivals, watch classic movies and make it known when he doesnâ??t receive good customer service. He is also an enthusiastic blogger and regularly writes for Litecraft Lightbulbs.